I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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