I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
