So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
