Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
