i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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