I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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