He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
