I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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