This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
