i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
