I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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