I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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