he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
