you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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