If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
