She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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