what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
