Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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