i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
