Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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