You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
