My room smells like vodka and shame
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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