My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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