you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I see more hoeing in ur future
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