Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
