it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
