We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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