The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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