am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
