you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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