i jhust puked up my retainher.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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