guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
