trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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