her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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