i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?