well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.