Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident