Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
even my farts smell like vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think this conversation is over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday