i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
