were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
