he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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