i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want her autograph on my taint
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
