State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
