im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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