Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so explain again why im purple
no
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
