craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
