a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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