Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
