i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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