Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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