fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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