smell my finger.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
