That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
