took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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