Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I party with great urgency now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
