Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
