I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
