You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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