You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
