Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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