My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
