So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
