just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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