um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
