Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
