i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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