my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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