i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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