I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
