Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
