Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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