she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
